‘Just friends’. The famous last words of celebrities like Kim Kardashian and now more-than-friend rapper Kanye West who made his debut on Kourtney and Kim Take New York in 2011spreading rumors of a blossoming love even before her marriage to Kris Humphries.
In their defense, it’s hard to have a platonic relationship with a Kardashian. But is it ever possible to not harbor sexual or romantic feelings towards a good friend of the opposite sex?
You’ve probably encountered this question at some point in your life (and if you haven’t, you will now). Here’s the dilemma; you and your boyfriend are madly in love but he has another woman in his life. His best friend. You envy their bond, get upset when he brings her up in conversation, has coffee with her in middle of the day, asks or worries about her. After all, you want to be the only woman in his for whom he expends all his efforts and love.
You’re allowed to feel anxious and insecure, but for the sake of your relationship (current or future), learn to approach the matter without coming off as a paranoid battle-ax by first understanding that he’s entitled to be friends with whomever he chooses (especially if he’s met her before he met you). Then consider the situation objectively.
There’s a difference between being ridiculously jealous and feeling genuinely threatened. Figure out which one you are and act accordingly.
Before you do anything though, tell your boyfriend how you feel as graciously as possible (tip: do not yell ‘You love her more than you love me!’ when he offers her some of his chicken piccata at a birthday dinner with friends). Find a time when you’re both relaxed and at your best, and tell him that while you respect his friendship with whatsherface, you feel neglected and unloved. Unless you have a tendency of generally hating everyone, your boyfriend will understand your struggle and discuss ways to mitigate your feelings without losing his friend. (And if he doesn’t, well he’s an a-hole and that presents a whole other issue for another time).
His relationship with her can become a threat to yours only if you let it. While you don’t have to become besties and paint each other’s toenails every other night, you also don’t have the right to criticize or disparage her. This will not only highlight your immaturity and diminish his respect for you, but it may even drive your boyfriend to the arms of someone who’s not insecure and knee-deep in melodrama.
Don’t convince yourself that you hate his she-friend. You have to remember that you’re in a relationship with your boyfriend, not with her. Which means it’s his loyalty you should be concerned with and not hers. Before taking your anger out on her, hold your boyfriend responsible for his actions.
His friendship with her could actually work to your advantage. If she does happen to be a genuine person who cares about your boyfriend like a brother, it would be beneficial to befriend her rather than avoid her like a pair of last season’s sunglasses. Male friends are sometimes not the best source when it comes to helping each other understand women. She can make a great mitigator when it comes to getting him to understand your romantic needs and the not so romantic ones (like not leaving his socks on the kitchen counter).
If your rational side has determined that their friendship is strictly platonic and something you can live with, then congratulate yourself on this milestone everyone experiences in a new relationship. But as he holds the right to be friends with anyone, you also have the right to not be in a relationship if you don’t feel you’ll ever gain that trust so desperately needed for a thriving romance.