A lot of work is put into articles and commentaries that tell women what to look for in order to have a good man on their arm. However, there’s not a lot written to tell the men what to present. I admit that I’m guilty of speaking to the ladies more so than the men, simply because I believe that women are the gatekeepers of any real change that’s likely to come about.
However, when I look at the young men of today and I hear some of the questions they ask me about finding good women, I often notice that, like some of the women I hear from, they’re not really equipped for what they’re looking for. Stereotypes and music have clouded their judgment of their counterparts and themselves. Just as older women refuse to let go of the music, wardrobe and ways of a young woman, but somehow wonder why they can’t find mature men to love them, young men refuse to grow up so that they can be what a mature woman needs in her life.
So I’ve come with just a few tips for the young men of the world to get themselves started on their way to maturity. For those young men that do seem interested in settling down, there are some things that you can do to get yourself pointed towards a mature relationship. However, if you’re one of the pretenders (young men that claim to want a relationship when they actually want anything but), maybe you should stop reading now.
Money doesn’t guarantee the best – The biggest lie men tell themselves is that the amount of money they have will draw the best women to them. The truth is the amount of money you have actually downgrades the quality of women that a man will have to choose from. That’s not to suggest that all women that want to live well are worthless, but it is to suggest that gold diggers still are alive and well. Money matters because if you’re looking for a wife, she needs to know that you can provide. But flaunting your wealth simply increases the difficulty of your chances in finding someone that loves you for you. Women have this issue as well, whether it’s because of their income or because of their bodies. Earn well so that you can live well. Keep your search for love and your finances separate. If you’re a 10 in either area, don’t assume that you’re only going to attract the 10’s. All of those 1 through 5’s want to be rich too.
A change in mentality means a change in wardrobe – Any real change that occurs in our lives comes from the inside and shows up on the outside. While we spend so much time looking at the outer appearance of our young men and wondering why it won’t change, we fail to realize that the inside is showing up on the outside. Somewhere in some young men’s psyche, they’re convinced that they’ll never be accepted by their peers if their pants are actually above their waists. Realizing that change can at times be a very long process for some, maybe the hope should be in getting a young man to dress in a suit sometimes. Not just for a job interview and not just for church (even though both those occasions are a struggle at times now). But every now and then, it’d be good to give the ladies a different look.
If she’s a whore, you’re your own worst enemy – We have entered a culture where women are called every vile name that men can come up with. To their own detriment, too many women cop to those names. What I find interesting about men is the fact that they insist on blaming the women that they’re with for being what these men say that they are. In the meantime, men aren’t taking any responsibility for the sub-standard women that they’re with. I’m not naïve about this and I’m aware that there are many women out there that earn the titles that they’re given. But what I don’t understand is why a man that says he wants more will continue to involve himself with such women without realizing what it does to him and says about him. There are plenty of men that pride themselves on being with women like this, but for those that claim they want more, she’s not the blame for you not finding better. She is who she is. And apparently, so are you.
Grown men can adapt – I often hear from men that whine about the women that they come into contact with. They’re gold diggers, they’re selfish, they’re not what they used to be, etc. This has never made sense to me when you consider that women have been putting up with our shortcomings forever and a day. We forced them to adapt and yet, somehow we seem unable to. The game never changes, only the players. The advice I give to women goes for men as well. If she needs an overhaul in order to be with you, have her do it on her own time. If not, you may waste years on a fixer-upper when there’s a perfectly good house down the block (that’s my experience speaking). If you’re the type of man that’s looking for a quality woman, stop wasting your time complaining about the ones that aren’t of good quality. Stop wasting your time being with women that aren’t of good quality. She’s only your problem if you continue to see her. Pickings are slimmer than they used to be, but trust me, good women are still out there. Don’t get played by the game, adapt to it.
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