If you read my article yesterday regarding the ongoing saga of Halle Berry and her past and present lovers, you are familiar with the emotions that often run high when divorce/breakup and children, are involved.
Why is it that people that once wooed, pursued, and adored one another turn around and just as quickly vilify, blame, despise, and hate that same person? Why is it that a blessed union can sometimes turn into a cursed one, especially if a dispute involving shared children comes into play?
In a great article written by Cathy Meyer, she answers a reader’s questions about why her spouse is so angry. Meyer writes that the anger could be a defense mechanism that the reader’s angry spouse is using to keep from feeling the sadness that is associated with the loss of his marriage. When a former spouse is angry, combative, and reacts in a negative way, these are signs that that ex-spouse hasn’t properly dealt with the end of the marriage and hasn’t gone through the grieving process and moved on. This is true even when the angry ex-spouse is the one that may have cheated on, or abused the spouse that they are angry with. An ex-spouse may also be angry, even if they are the initiator of the divorce.
I know nothing about the inner workings of Halle Berry’s relationship with her ex-partner and father of her child Gabriel Aubry. With the recent flurry of restraining orders, child custody court dates, and fistfights between Aubry and Berry’s fiancé Olivier Martinez, there are obvious troubles in their post-breakup and co-parenting roles. Though Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry have not been a couple for a number of years and share a 4 year old daughter, the negativity that surrounds them spells a lack of grieving on one or both of their parts in regards to their breakup.
If you are facing a similar situation, where anger is consistently present when dealing with an ex-spouse, lover, or co-parent, step back from the situation and try to assess where the anger is coming from. Are you the angry ex? Is your ex acting out of frustration or grief that you are no longer a part of their romantic life? Take these factors into consideration when trying to navigate the tumultuous waters of dealing with an angry ex.
**Like this article? Well mosey on over to KimHess.com and sign up to get FREE coaching about your relationship or getting better after divorce! Also, check out my book “From Ex to Next: An Empowered Women’s Guide to Dating after Divorce or Breakup” sold on Amazon.com.