Silence is often a rarity for parents. When you finally get it, there is such a peaceful feeling and realization on how you really do need it to be more at peace. It is also one of the things that we often forget that we truly need in our lives as much as breathing, food and shelter. For without it, your life is full of annoyance, aggravation and stress, which does kill us ever so slowly.
Children can be irritating but only because we are with them all the time and aren’t getting enough quiet time or time to ourselves. When we are getting enough time then things don’t annoy us. Autistic children come with a cornucopia of interesting sounds they both make and create. They talk to themselves constantly; this will occur whether they are “verbal”, for they know what those beeps, grunts and sounds mean.And it’s not just children; it’s our jobs, our pets, our homes that can cause irritation as well, when it is all of these things, it’s definitely time to go check into a hotel somewhere. Sometimes easier said than done, but the importance is what matter, the rest are just logistics.
The annoyance we feel at times is our self-telling us “hey enough, what about this, or that?” We all have needs, we need to exercise, we need to cultivate our inner self so we can be better people to those we love, we need to communicate with our spouses, loved ones and friends, and sometimes we just need quiet or time away from our children to do these things.
Sometimes that need comes in the form of guilt. Our kids are climbing all over us, asking for things over and over again, sometimes things we just gave them. They are coming out from their beds at night and interrupting our time that we finally got or have designated as “our time”. And they are annoying us, so we feel guilty; because of course we are grateful for them. Just like the way our pets, bosses, jobs, schools and what not annoy us, but never the less we still value those things. But it is now that our bodies need a break from those things, because the cup is over full with too much of a good thing.
Guilt in this situation is really to yourself, you are denying yourself the needed time, or you’re denying it to your friends, spouse or whomever. And when this happens, it is time for a break. Hence why I am writing this, sometimes as parents we need someone else to tell us they feel this way too, and it’s okay.
I forget sometimes how much time has passed from when Noah was last away at his grandparents. But I start to realize it when I am getting more and more annoyed. Overall I am grateful and satisfied in my life, I may have goals still, but when it comes down to it, I regret nothing. Regardless though of how balanced you are, or Zen, or satisfied in your life it comes down to basic logistics. If you’re constantly interrupted during your only down time with each other, it should annoy you, otherwise it wouldn’t mean anything and you didn’t need the down time to begin with.
Sending the kids off to grandmas, or sending yourself somewhere away from work or the things that have overfilled your cup is a necessity to keep functioning as the human being you are or aspire to be. Everything in life takes a break, the sun goes down, the moon comes up, and if you believe in god even god took a day off. So must you, otherwise you’re just a victim to your own life. You eventually grow to resent things around you but it would be your own fault for not doing anything about it.
One of the challenges we have as special needs parents is lack of money. I know how it feels to have to ration your gas, count your change, and pick up extra work when you should be sleeping and so many more things that can fill an entire article. But money be damned, when it’s needed you have to bite the bullet for yourself as you have for your child. Do your best to do what you can for free like go sit at Barnes and Noble and read, they actually don’t mind, you don’t have to buy anything, though they do have some good coffee. Most of time you can’t get good coffee your local library. Some museums have free days, or pay what you want days. But sometimes it’s not enough; this is why I started a special bank, just for me. I would also suggest when people ask you what you want for Christmas or your birthday tell them you want time to yourself, gift cards are nice. The point is, you will have to do whatever it takes to make it a priority because very rarely will anyone else do so.
Click here for information on free things to do in New Jersey