2012 had a pretty good selection of films. However, as is the case with every year, there were a few out there that made me shout, “WHY?!”
Now, I know I’ll receive some heat from people, but, hey, it’s my list – deal with it.
Here are the 11 worst films I saw in 2012. And, yes, I did the same thing on my “Best of” list, because I couldn’t stick to just 10.
11. “Mirror Mirror”
Someone gave Tarsem Singh way too much sugar before he filmed this movie. “Mirror Mirror” was one of two Snow White films to be released in theaters this year (“Snow White & the Huntsmen” being the other), and it’s filled with color, cheer, childish humor, and way too much camp. It’s an embarrassment to see Julia Roberts and Armie Hammer play their respective roles as the evil queen and charming prince. Roberts doesn’t look menacing enough for her performance, and Hammer is just phoning in his performance. His facial expressions make it seem like even he wasn’t too happy with choosing this role.
10: “The Vow”
Channing Tatum from “Dear John” and Rachel McAdams from “The Notebook” team up for a Nicholas Sparks’ style movie? Gag. Not only do we have to suffer through that, but both characters are so clumsy and so dull. Yes, it’s inspired by a remarkable true story, but it has such a horribly written script that we don’t care for the characters or any moment that happens in this story. From the unnecessarily slowed down car crash scene to McAdams’ character becoming a klutz to Tatum becoming a shallow jerk, “The Vow” is an awful experience.
9: “Ice Age: Continental Drift”
The fourth entry in the frozen franchise is a slow, painful, and tedious 81 minute feature. Scrat can only be funny for a certain amount of time. Here, the writers seemed like they didn’t know where to take the story or where to put in a “witty line,” so they throw in Scrat. (Review)
8: “One for the Money”
Another possible franchise looks like it won’t go much further than one entry. Thank God, too. “One for the Money” is a clunky, unfunny, uneventful, pile of junk. Katherine Heigel fails at being the perky and ditzy Stephanie Plum, and the script is littered with dumb jokes. (Review)
7: “Red Tails”
This was the year that many war films were complete failures. The first example was this picture about the Tuskegee Airmen. Opening with an action scene that kills many characters we don’t know, “Red Tails” pushes the viewer into trying to like the characters that fight for freedom. However, they’re all underdeveloped and given terrible one-liners. There is a romance story somewhere, too, but it’s sporadic and the chemistry is completely off.
6: “Act of Valor”
This was the one that for which a lot of people gave me flack. “Act of Valor” would have worked if it was a documentary. As a semi-fictional feature, it is a disgrace to the military.
Real Navy SEALs are handed a script and then told to act like themselves. How can they when they have to suffer through a script that is every war movie cliche in the book? There’s the terrorist with the big beard, and the only character given a back story has a pregnant wife at home. The rest of the movie is an extended recruitment video.
The more people keep on telling me that I “shouldn’t criticize the actors” since they were not professionals, the more I absolutely hate the movie. It’s OK to be patriotic, but it’s not OK to be pretentious, which is what “Act of Valor” was. (Review)
5: “Red Dawn”
Michael Bay took a break from filmmaking this year, but there were several films that, for some reason, tried to mimic his style of filmmaking. The 2012 update of “Red Dawn” was one of those.
Shy of 100 minutes, this “Red Dawn” spends most of its time shaking the camera, making stuff blow up, and not bringing its characters to life. (Review)
4: “This Means War”
This is one of the dumbest romantic comedies to come out this year or any other year.
Two men fight over one woman. They both work for the CIA and use high-tech gadgets to stalk her when she is on a date with one of them. Does that sound a little creepy to anyone else?
This is an absurd, unfunny, loud, and obnoxious film. It’s sad to see Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon, and Tom Hardy in such an idiotic and predictable film where they are forced to play some of the most loathsome characters, ever. And then there’s Chelsea Handler, who looks like she hit the bottle one too many times before getting in front of the camera. (Review)
3: “That’s My Boy”
Adam Sandler returns to his same asinine humor that grew stale many, many years ago. Jokes about incest and teacher-student relationships plague this stupid screenplay, along with a plethora of idiotic and unfunny, white trash characters
How can one find any of this funny when we can’t laugh at it in the real world? If a teacher has consensual sex with a minor, we are disgusted. However, Sandler and his gang think it might work in a movie. Guess what? It doesn’t.
This is a career low for Sandler, and that’s saying something.
2: “Snow White: A Deadly Summer”
Technically, there were three Snow White films released this year. However, you probably didn’t hear about this Direct-to-DVD pile of garbage. Good thing, too.
There is very little resemblance to the original Snow White tale in this so-called “modern take.” There’s a girl named Snow (no joke!), and seven dumb teens in a camp run by the counselors from hell.
You’ll find a poisoned apple, but you won’t find any Sleepy, Doc, or Sneezy. You will find some dopey characters that are a bit grumpy and disgustingly bashful when it comes to having a crush on another camper. How any of them are happy to be in this movie is beyond me. (Review)
1: “The Devil Inside”
Not only is this film not scary, but it completely insults its viewers.
Yet another entry in the found-footage genre, “The Devil Inside” is predictable, boring, and bland. Then when you wait for them to wrap it up, they pull out the cheapest and stupidest way to do so.
The remaining characters die in a car crash, and the movie ends. That’s it.
END SPOILER ALERT
I know some of you out there are thinking, “Why didn’t he include this movie?” Well, I didn’t see every movie released this year. When you have to pay for the majority of them, it’s harder and harder to see as many as you want. Plus, when you have more than one job, it becomes even more difficult.
I’m hoping 2013 is a turnaround for me, because I do like sharing my opinion with everyone – yes, even the trolls. Whether it’s a good film or a downright horrendous one, I love talking about movies as much as the next movie buff.
See you all in 2013.