Mercury Retrograde 2012 Holiday Season Horoscopes
Aries, Taurus, Gemini
By: Brad Kronen
March 20th – April 19th
“But you made me, Promises Promises
You knew you’d never keep
Why do I believe?”
– Naked Eyes
Horned Heads Up, Aries! An epidemic has been discovered amongst your entire astrological family. An epidemic that is both chronic and highly inflammatory. It has been known to run rampant amongst those born beneath the signs of the Ram and the Lion (aka Aries and Leo), and it is believed with 99% error proof accuracy that the epidemiological source leads us to the last branch on the Family Tree of Flame – Sagittarius.
The name of this most pernicious astrological illness which at this point, you Fiery Folk must be desperately wondering whether you’ve caught and could be carrying amongst the unsuspecting public?
Empty Promising Syndrome, or “EPS”
For those Rams who are under the strongest of convictions that they remain uninfected at present, the period of highest susceptibility to EPS has been given a Code Red (that’s your color, Aries) Warning for nearly the entirety of this month during the 3rd Mercury Retrograde of 2012.
The planet of Communication will be going in backwards motion in the sign of Empty Promises, Sagittarius, beginning on November 7th in the Aries’ House of (eeeeek!) Empty Promises, and then shall back trek into The Aries’ House of Death and Transformational Change, when Mercury enters the sign of Scorpio on November 15th and stays there until going direct on November 27th.
Avoiding this inflammatory illness of the big talking variety will be most challenging for every child of Mars, given the first half of the fastest planet’s 3rd Retrograde cycle of 2012 shall be occurring in both a Fiery House AND in a Fiery sign. A sign which also happens to naturally rule the House where Mercury shall initially begin its cycle of reverse planetary motion.
Symptomatic Onset of EPS: Excitability
EPS hits hardest whenever any member of the Family of Flame becomes highly excited over any given prospect which stands to possibly benefit them at some point in their immediate fiery future. Like a spark to a barely used tinderbox, this initial source of excitement will ricochet wildly back and forth within the mind of the now infected Fire Sign, causing them to blurt aloud a promise consisting of the most grandiose proportions. Having now fully succumbed to EPS, the unaware Fire Child shall offer whomever is in their physical presence the over-inflated equivalent of The Moon, The Sun, and/or The Stars, either separately, or for those particularly acute cases, all together in one uber-big package of promised potential.
What the recipients of these big talking, flame throwers don’t realize when their empty promise is first presented to them, is that the vast majority of these syndromed symptoms of superficiality remain just that – empty. Most of the non-finger-lifting time, not a single action/inquiry/effort is initially made to even hint that this pie-in-the-sky stuff of the empty promising kind could possibly be headed down a path of becoming a reality of fulfilled follow through.
Acute EPS – Severe Amnesia of The Promise Making Process
In many of the worst documented cases of EPS, the fire signed person won’t even remember making said empty promise to begin with, due to being SO spontaneously in-the-moment excited, as well as being immediately distracted following the initial offer of all talk and no action.
Fire Sign Family Flaw – Repeating of Mistakes
The time period following the dropping of the first empty promise bomb is critical, for it is here that the actions of the EPS victim must be closely monitored! Members of The Fire Signed Family as a whole share a common astrological character flaw – an inherent tendency to repeat their mistakes.
And this is one mistake you do not want to keep repeating, my Zodiacal First Borns….
Mainly because around November 15th, Mercury goes backwards into the sign of Death and Transformational Change, Scorpio, as well as shifts further in reverse when the Planet of Communication crosses into the Arien House of (what a shocker!) Death and Transformational Change which Scorpio naturally rules.
My Rams, the realization that one has been given an empty promise results in a gross and uncomfortable amalgam of sensations: severe let down, crushing disappointment, spiked anger, nagging embarrassment, dull and distant sadness, etc.
To repeat these actions more than once to the same person/people while Mercury shifts into the sign of Death and in this sign’s ruling House is tantamount to looking out your kitchen window and seeing a multitude of torches and pitchforks drawing ever nearer, as the vigilante of the empty promised takes matters into their own, no longer empty hands….
But behold, Head Butters! Brad holds the treatment, antidote, and cure to contracting EPS – with just one, simple action! Every day throughout the entire month of November, it is crucially recommended that all astrological First Borns say and repeat the following to stay free of EPS….and vindictive vigilantes:
If you don’t mean it. Don’t say it, Aries!!
April 20th – May 20th
Did you know that the concepts of “Fun” and “Sex” share the same core essence, Taurus? Swear to Eros! For either to optimally work, there needs to be as pure and unburdened an environment as can be, so things can naturally flow and eventually progress to a heightened state.
Both Fun and Sex are truly hyper-sensitive things, my Bulls. Both can immediately sense the presence or arrival of various “flow-killers” such as: guilt, resentment, jealousy, insecurity, ego inflation, fear, pain, etc.
Should any of the above killers of flow be remotely nearby, both concepts are then immediately nowhere to be found.
Both “Fun” and “Sex” are also equally affected by factors which are openly stated and clearly heard, as well as by those things which are not out in the open or that lie beneath the surface, but are very much present just the same.
An excellent example of the latter group is anything passive aggressive. Allow Brad to sexily demonstrate.
You come home from work and can’t wait to see me, Taurus. (Who wouldn’t?) You walk in and come upon my alluringly handsome self sitting straight up on the couch, arms folded, with the most sour of pusses on my face. You enter the room, warmly announcing, “Hey sexy, I’m home.” and attempt to give me a luscious deep kiss, only to have my face abruptly turn, allowing only a hen peck.
You then ask, “Is anything wrong, Brad?”
To which I give the quintessential passive-aggressive response of: “No, I’m fine.”
The astrologer doth not protest at all…..and so obviously needs to.
Your sign isn’t known for its acts of passive aggression, Taurus, BUT you are ruled by the planet of harmony, Venus.
And Venus can strongly influence her subjects to resort to passive-aggressive tactics under certain communication-afflicted circumstances.
The planet named after the Goddess of Love, as previously mentioned, rules over matters relating to not just Love and Beauty, but Harmony and Peace as well. Hence, the Venus ruled, namely Librans and your bovine selves, make it a priority to be surrounded by as quietly pleasant an environment as humanly p0ssible. Conversely, the Venusian need for Peace and Quiet also makes her subjects highly allergic to such non-harmonious things as: violence, hand 2 hand combat, arguing,….even louder than usual voice tones can make them clear the room.
Venus’ harmonic influence can cause many a Venusian personality to avoid any kind of debate or difference of opinion all together, if only for Harmony’s sake. Over time, this can lead to the Venus ruled having problems/issues/gripes with others, but repressing everything internally, just to keep things peaceful and quiet.
Because the typical Taurus has the constitution of a well, bull, the inner strength required to keep their grievances under lid is manageable and kept under control during ordinary times.
And just to inform you cud chewers, Mercury Retrogrades are anything but ordinary.
In other bovine words, Mercury Retrogrades are choice times for the Taurean to resort to passive aggressive behavior.
On November 7th, the planet of communication, Mercury, will go into planetary backwards in The Taurus’ House of Sex in the sign of high mindedness and hypocrisy, Sagittarius. The fastest planet will then further back trek into the sign which rules over Sex, Scorpio, in The Taurus’ House of Partnerships on November 15th and shall continue to rev in reverse until going direct on November 27th.
With the backwards cycle of the planet of communication occurring in 2 highly interpersonal Houses, the Taurean area of Life most susceptible during this 3rd MR Cycle of 2012 are The Bull’s closest relationships.
A Mercury Retrograde in the sign of Sagittarius for those born beneath a fixed sign, which Taurus is, affecting their 1 on 1 relationships most, strongly hints of a build up of one of the key “flow killers” mentioned earlier – resentment.
So not to beat around the Bull’s Bush, but if things go their usual Taurean way with no active alterations, the following shall unfold: Communicative discrepancies shall build in the Bovine Boudoir during the first half of November, which should spill into the remaining areas of the Taurus’ key partnerships in the 2nd half, resulting in many a Bull simmering with resentment throughout the entire Holiday Season’d month.
With that said, Brad will leave the entire herd of you with these 2 final thoughts:
Communication keeps any given relationship on this earth alive.
Any given relationship on this earth shall always encounter differences of opinion, which are best resolved through the utilization of both compromise and communication.
Instead of the current Mercury Retrograde being seen as a force of negativity which could pull the Taurean to descend into all things passive-aggressive with their partners, how about it rather be a force of dynamic change for you Bulls to go against your grain by voicing all issues, differences, and gripes in the presence of your significant others?
This month, the child of Venus will need to be both a lover and a fighter if they want their love life to still have a strong pulse, as well as a shelf life that extends through this year’s holiday season and beyond.
May 21st – June 20th
If Love is color blind, then Luck is blinder than the most myopic of bats, wildly dive bombing to roost deep beneath your hair tresses, Gemini.
With the planet of Luck, otherwise known as mighty Jupiter, positioned in your sign since last June, those born beneath the sign of the Twins should have experienced some portion of The King of Planet’s bounty by now, in either the form of blessings or through that most favored of Jupiterian mediums – Dumb, and now utterly Blind, Luck.
What did you just say, my genetically matched sets? What’s my freaking astrological problem in handicapping a force which the vast majority of humanity calls upon every day for assistance?
First off, my sassy Carbon Copies, Lady Luck has always been acutely visually impaired, and this is hardly a new concept. Like fellow fast-moving Gemini, Marilyn Monroe, in the classic comedy “Some Like It Hot”, Lady L would do lightning fast hand motions and hide her Coke Bottle (Coke Machine is more like it) thick glasses whenever the camera or a crooning Sagittarian Sinatra summoned her presence in the technicolor musical, “Guys & Dolls”.
Despite her being so, you know, “lucky” and stuff, and unbeknownst to the public at large, Lady L suffers from having an IQ equal to that of a bag of rocks, and is forever walking face first into walls, due to her inherent aura of Luckiness being prefaced with such personality and physicality deficient terms as “Dumb” and “Blind”.
From the get-go, that Force of Good Fortune, otherwise known as Luck, has from its onset, been double poked in the eyes whenever blindly venturing out beneath the public’s still seeing one, all the while knowing it isn’t the brightest bulb on the Jupiterian Tree of Abundance.
Why is that, my Wonder Twins?
If we take the concept of Luck and made it a course description, it would most definitely function as a “Pass/Fail” experience in which there was nothing t0 be learned in the first place.
Luck has no sense of discernment, my mutables. You either are lucky (Pass) or you’re not (Fail).
Luck is never earned. It’s not dependent upon the good deeds a person has done over the course of their lifetime, nor of the good karma one has amassed in previous life cycles. It simply is bestowed upon whichever chump just happens to be in the right place and time, whenever this Force of Fortune is randomly dumped over any given head,
….And regardless of whether the chump’s actions were deserving of his follicles being flooded with Good Fortune, or not.
Even with the foundation of the nature of Luck layed out before us, this Fortuitous Force can be mistakenly misinterpreted by the foolish few, none the lucky less, my Frix and Frax of the Zodiac.
Case in point, there are those choice few, who whilst in the midst of an exceedingly lucky time period of their lives, make the very foolish assumption that the source behind all of their current lucky breaks and floods of fortune flowing around them is themselves.
People, this is not a matter of Lady Luck deeming these folks worthy of her presence and hand picking each of them to be her luckily anointed BFF during the Tourist High Season.
More like, these silly mortals broke her fall after Lady L’s walking stick once again got caught in some haphazard furniture, resulting in her flying airborne and knocking all random parties involved to the ground senseless like hollow bowling pins!
We humans can never cause Luck, or summon Luck to magically appear or (the most laughable of all) return. We are merely the residue recipients of its beneficial influences, should we find ourselves fortunate enough to be close by during those choice times when Lady Luck’s cane-tapping heralds her arrival.
2012’s 3rd Retrograde Cycle of the Heavenly Body of Communication, which also just happens to be the planetary ruler of the Chatty Chads and Kathys of the Zodiac, Mercury, will begin on November 7th. This upcoming Retrograde Cycle of your ruling planet shall be taking place in the sign of empty promises, Sagittarius, in The Gemini’s House of Partnerships. The planet of Power Babble will continue its backwards trek into the sign of hardcore intensity, Scorpio, on November 15th in The Gemini’s House of Health and Daily Repetition and shall stay in reverse motion there until November 27th.
With your planetary ruler going backwards in your polar opposite, Jupiter-ruled sign, many a Gemini will feel the urge throughout November to blow their words out of proportion through the utilization of the empty promise, based on the false assumption they are the creators of their current stints of Jupiterian Good Luck and Fortune.
With the first half of Mercury’s Retrograde taking place in the party hearty sign of Sagittarius, the Gemini may be feeling a little too good throughout the month of November, resulting in verbally committing themselves to far too many social engagements and parties that the average human could never hope to have the energy to attend in their entirety.
Either way, with the 2nd half of your planetary ruler’s backwards trek taking place in the sign of Scorpio and in The Twins’ House of Health, those children of Mercury who don’t watch and/or curtail their words this month shall soon find out that too much of anything could be quite a bad thing,
…. for both the Gemini’s body and soul.