I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving; I feel about twenty pounds heavier one week later.
On the day in question after I stuffed my face I tried to walk up the second floor of my home when I had a better idea:
Yeah. Stairs are hard. I will not be doing that.
Sorry Mister President, this butt is too big to push around. That’s why my friends call me thunder thighs.
So I went to sleep right on the couch and was all the happier for it.
But now it’s time to fight for freedom. Yes my fellow patriots, stone walls do not a prison make nor iron bars a cage. In the immortal words of MSNBC, “Resist We Much!”
In case you missed the news, America’s Gypsy-in-Chief will be wandering his way to my own backyard this Friday. Great, there’s serious work to be done and Obama’s back to prancing around like some wood nymph.
Mister President, am I supposed to be flattered that you chose the outskirts of Philly for your first Holiday Hate Protest? There’s no need to come any closer. I can hear your insolence just fine from a distance. And no, I’m not trekking out to the suburbs to let your demagoguery wash over me like a crisp zephyr.
The profligate spending aside, your poisonous bile may buy you many things in Washington but my time will not be one of them.
None of us are forgetting your ramblings about “Romnesia” anytime soon.
Maybe you can go back to Mother Goose for a line to use against John Boehner in your unceasing efforts to parrot the virtues of that nebulous “balanced approach” that does everything but balance the budget itself.
I have no doubt your team will come up with something, and you’re pretty good at repeating your lines. In fact, maybe I will make my way out to Montgomery County this Friday to see if Polly wants a cracker.
Republicans I know it’s been tough ever since the media went all groupie when it comes to Obama. And congratulations are due to the press in DC for a job well done. Given all the stories getting killed these days I guess the real butcher of Benghazi is you.
Yet, the Republican Party has to face facts. The only thing this president knows how to do is reach across the aisle and smack someone. However, we are not as divided as Barack Obama’s politics would suggest.
Yes, it would also be nice if we could wait for a single articulate spokesman. If they like, all the GOP’s politicians can go out with the more evolved politicos and let the rest of us know when they find Yoda in the swamp.
Much like the stairs I refused to climb this Thanksgiving, I will not be taking that route.
Republicans are ready to compromise and Barack Obama is ready to put a few knives in their backs. Concomitantly, the president doesn’t even pretend to have a spending plan. So let’s play a game. Everybody start whacking him with everything you’ve got. Whoever does it best wins.
It’ll be like a little pageant. Yes people, it’s share time.
This edition of Hump Day Humor includes Bill Bennett with Congressman Sean Duffy, Glenn Beck’s Stu Burguiere, Mark Steyn, Chris Stigall with Axiom Strategies’ Michael Bronstein, and Dom Giordano with Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett – a small sampling of quips, non sequiturs, sarcastic commentary, and anything else that might put a smile on your face.
Bill Bennett’s Morning in America 11/28/12 on Philadelphia’s 990 AM WNTP
Speaking with Congressman Sean Duffy regarding Christmas and the fiscal cliff
Duffy: I have my wife Rachel and six little ones and they’re doing fantastic, thank you for asking.
Bill: Get into the Christmas frenzy yet?
Duffy: Not quite yet, we took a little downtime over Thanksgiving. We had a tough race. I had beaten the former Chair of Appropriations and 42-year incumbent David Obey [in 2010]. So they came after me pretty hard in this election cycle. So it was a much needed break…for us.
Bill: You won.
Duffy: We won, yeah, by 12 points Bill.
Bill: That’s great, fantastic.
Duffy: It was the most expensive House race in Wisconsin history. So it was a nice win for us.
Bill: Nobody tried to make my life more miserable when I was education secretary than Dave Obey so I will forever be grateful to you.
Glenn Beck Program 11/27/12 on Philadelphia’s WWIQ 106.9 FM
Executive producer Stu Burguiere
Stu: The War on Christmas continues. And we talked about this a little on Pat & Stu yesterday. But there’s this idea that it’s kind of fake, that the war on Christmas doesn’t really exist. And first of all I’m not giving anybody a pass on that now that “The War on Women” actually worked.
Rush Limbaugh Show 11/27/12 on Philadelphia’s WWIQ 106.9 FM
Guest host Mark Steyn regarding government spending and Warren Buffett’s recent op-ed
Mark: The Forbes 400 – writes Mister Buffett – the wealthiest individuals in America hit a new group record for wealth this year: $1.7 trillion. And he thinks they need to pay more. The problem with this by the way [is that] $1.7 trillion sounds like a lot of money. And for most countries it probably would be a lot of money. The problem here is that it’s just over the average Obama federal deficit for just one year. The average federal deficit for Obama’s first term is about $1.3 trillion. So if you confiscated the entire wealth of the Forbes 400, if you took every single penny they have you’d have enough to pay off one year of Obama’s deficits – if you took everything they have. So what are you going to do next time around? You’re going to have to move in an entirely different Forbes 400. You’re going to have to persuade a lot of Saudi oil sheikhs and a lot of Russian oligarchs to come and move to Malibu and the Hamptons and agree to be next year’s Forbes 400 so then you can confiscate everything they’ve got and pay off another year of federal deficits. That’s the problem. There aren’t enough of the rich for what this government is spending and there never will be. I mean, there’s only one Warren Buffett and that’s the point.
Chris Stigall Show 11/26/12 on Philadelphia’s WPHT 1210 AM
Speaking with GOP political consultant Michael Bronstein of Axiom Strategies regarding the Fiscal Cliff
Chris: All the media ever does now is poll the American people about how concerned they are – the American people are ringing their hands that congress isn’t doing more. Why aren’t we getting along? David Brooks was on Meet the Press saying, ‘well good government, government that’s doing something for the people.’ They talk about it like it’s this angelic body that really needs to be turned loose to help us all if only – I don’t know – those damned Republicans weren’t holding things up. I don’t accept that everyone in this country desperately wishes congress was constantly legislating something.
Bronstein: Anytime they get along it’s bad news. I mean, this isn’t the Salvation Army. We need a good healthy fight all the time. And we need principles. You know the framing of this Fiscal Cliff, it is a 7% cut in government. Name me a business in the last four years that hasn’t had to cut 7% from their bottom line. Show me a family budget – 80% of Americans are making less than they were four years ago – you don’t they’ve had a 7% haircut? This isn’t a fiscal cliff. It’s like stepping off a small curb.
Dom Giordano Show 11/19/12 on Philadelphia’s WPHT 1210 AM
Speaking with Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett regarding the failure of the Obama administration to offer details pertaining to its state health exchanges
Corbett: I’m not going to say [what I favor] right now because we don’t have the answers. We have been continuously asking the federal government, Secretary Sebelius at HHS, for information – for instance the exchanges, how the government would operate it and financing and long-term sustainability – things that are going to be necessary to see these exchanges work. It’s sort of like [they’re saying] here, we want you to build us an automobile. But we’re not going to give you any idea what it’s supposed to look like, how fast it’s supposed to go, and what kind of fuel efficiency it’s supposed to have…
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