Christmas is over (unless it’s been postponed by weather as it has in our family), and it’s time to put your feet up, take a deep breath, then exhale, sit back and treat yourself to some do-nothing time after weeks of do-everything.
These famous quotes by famous people are amusing, provocative and a great way to unwind for a few minutes after all the holiday hoopla.
Animal lovers will find a sweet surprise at the end of the ‘people’ quotes!
“We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong, patriotic duty not to go to jail.” Dave Barry
“Give a man a fish and you’ll feed him for a day. Give him religion and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.” Timothy Jones
“I guess the real reason my wife and I had children is the same reason Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.” Bill Cosby
“I was married by a judge…I should have asked for a jury.” George Burns
“When the white missionaries came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land.” Desmond Tutu
“An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.” William Castle
“America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real, but the moon landing was faked.” David Letterman
“Bureaucracy is the process of converting energy into solid waste.” George B. Carson, Jr. (okay, this is not a famous person, it’s my father, but it’s a great quote)
“I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit! I’m a billionaire.” Howard Hughes
“Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.” Betsy Salkind
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” Steve Martin
“The only reason that they say, ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.” Jean Kerr
“If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad,
your teacher, your priest, or some guy on TV telling you how to do your sh*t, then YOU
DESERVE IT!” Frank Zappa
“I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.” Zsa Zsa Gabor
“You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.” Jeff Foxworthy
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” Prince Philip
“Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don’t give a damn.” Phyllis Diller
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” Emo Philips.
“Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.” Harrison Ford
“Computers operate on simple principles that can be easily understood by anybody with some
common sense, a little imagination, and an IQ of 750.” Dave Barry
“Creationists make it sound as though a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk
all night.” Isaac Asimov
“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.” Francis Bacon
“The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot
post, “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie,” in
a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.”
“The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.” Spike Milligan
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.”
“Lawyers believe that a man is innocent until proven broke.” Robin Hall
“Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.” Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.” Jonathan Katz
“If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.” Johnny Carson
“I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.” Arthur C. Clarke
“Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.” Jimmy Durante
“The majority rule only works if you’re also considering individual rights. Because you can’t have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.” Larry Flynt
“An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.” Ambrose Bierce
“As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.” John Glenn
“The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.” George Roberts
“Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive.” Mel Brooks
Always keep your feet grounded.
When you find sunshine, bask in it; it may not be there for long.
Take time to play.
Ask for what you want…loudly, if necessary.
Stay alert and relaxed at the same time.
Have a mind of your own.
Just assume your lovable and the heck with the rest.
Special thanks to friends Cindy and John for passing along most of the ‘people’ quotes.
For information on holistic astrology, visit me: Holistic Wellness Center, www.holisticwellnesscenter.biz.
Thank you for reading. Your feedback is welcomed. Feel free to subscribe and share me. Namaskar and blessings for all.
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