Doomsday soothsayers are pointing to December 21, 2012 as the end of the world. What if meant the end of a specific world – say, Congress’ World of Fantasy?
The legendary long-count calendar is calculated out to be approximately 5,125 years long. Move the decimal point over to left one digit, and you get 512.5 days. Guess how many days have passed since the enactment of the law creating the fiscal cliff until it kicks in on January 1, 2013?
Yes, 519 days. Only one week more. Was the Mayan calendar actually a prophecy of the fiscal cliff? Is it possible the Mayans math was just a hair off? Perhaps a stone-cutting typo? What if really they meant the end of the cycle of Congressional intelligence?
Talk about lost in translation – if that was the case, it should have been the shortest calendar ever!
What makes this astonishing is that if America’s government goes off the cliff, it would indeed be the end of a great cycle. Spending would be cut by billions, with tax increases hitting the trillion dollar mark and higher. The Great Cycle may not have been a reference to life on earth, but instead to life on Capitol Hill. What many are declaring to be the end of all life on earth, could instead be the end of all political life in Washington, which American politicians tend to orbit around.
The end may not be nigh for the world itself, but Washington politicians sure seem to be running for the hills. Perhaps they really do something about that calendar the rest of us are missing.
The famed “webbot prophecy” shows a dramatic falloff forecast for internet activity after December, almost as though it was “going off a cliff,” according to one expert. A fiscal cliff, perhaps? Nostradamus once prophesied a “great undoing of people and animals.” Perhaps he meant the American “people” and the political “animals?” Myriad other mystics have spoken of calamities and disasters. Government spending being cut by $500 billion would be a calamity for some of America’s biggest employers, while over $1 trillion in tax hikes could spell disaster for all Americans.
This is getting creepier and creepier.
The Mayans are known for their brilliant mathematical skills, but who knew they could be so skilled in bureaucratic minutia? The Mayans practiced human sacrifice as a matter of ritual, while American bureaucrats practice the sacrifice of sanity as a matter of annoying citizens. Apples and oranges, perhaps, but what if the Mayans of 5,000 years ago were to be audited by an IRS agent? They would either be terrified of the chaos, or would fall over laughing at the foolishness of those wearing silly suits arguing over silly things. Then again, what American wouldn’t find the concept of tossing an IRS Auditor into a volcanic pit a religious experience? It’s all relative, really.
Forget “damn you, autocorrect,” meet “damn you, Mayan bureaucrat!”
Should America fly “off the cliff,” one of two things will happen. The first option, and the most remote, is that the nation will instantly see investors flock to buy Treasury bonds, seeing the nation is getting its act together. Also, dollars will become more valuable than good, because currency traders will bet on the country figuring things out, once and for all.
The second option, and one which is far more likely, is that the nation will go into a deep recession, and lose almost a decade of growth which will never be fully recovered. This is the option that terrifies almost everyone, except those getting rich off the doomsday theories. Thanks to Mayan bureaucracy, they will likely make out like bandits and thanks to current anti-sacrifice laws, don’t even have to tip!
Assuming we all wake up December 22, 2012 and nothing has changed (dramatically, anyway) we will have another date to look forward to with dread should Congress fail to get its act together. Too bad the Mayans couldn’t carve into their calendar “not responsible for typographical errors.”
The moral of this story – never trust a bureaucrat’s calendar, even if it’s literally set in stone and 5,125 years old.
NOTE: This writer does NOT condone the ritual sacrifice of IRS Agents, unless it brings good fortune to the Internal Revenue Service, its employees and affiliated contractors. As friendly reminder, tax returns must be filed by midnight, April 15, 2013, doomsday permitting.