Wednesday night before Thanksgiving. All the side dishes prepped? Stuffing made, a couple of cans of cranberry sauce out on the counter? Everything done? Uh-uh.
The Thanksgiving deep-fried turkey brainiacs now want you to inject the bird, even though it is fully brinefulled. (Brinefulled, another word I just made up. I love this.).
Okay, here we go.
Take this poor turkey out of the brine and pat it dry. At this point, you can purchase one of those poultry injector kits or make your own seasoning liquid. Either way, you will need one of those big injector needles like the dentist uses to numb you before he gives you root canal. I hate going to the dentist.
If you don’t want to inject the bird, rub it good with a poultry seasoning, inside and out of the cavity otherwise, here is the injector recipe.
1 Cup Real Butter
4 Tbs. Olive Oil
3 Garlic Cloves, Peeled & Smashed
2 Sprigs Fresh Thyme, Chopped
2 Tbs. Fresh Sage Leaves, Chopped
1 Tsp. Freshly Ground Black Pepper
Add all into a small saucepot and mix well. Heat until boiling and remove from heat. Let it cool and run it through a sieve before adding to the injector.
Insert this already inebriated turkey in the breast and thighs. Store the turkey back in the fridge overnight and either go to bed, or have a beer or both.
Finally, 1 turkey, 48 man-hours and you are ready to go. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted, and I’m not real crazy about Aunt Loretta and my cousin Luther coming over for dinner as it is. Not to mention trying to convert an eight-seat dining room table into a venue for thirteen people. Damn, where’s that card table and folding chairs?
Heat up the oil in the turkey fryer until you get it to 350 degrees. Do not get it any higher than 350. Plan on 3-5 minutes to the pound. That means a ten-pound turkey is about 30-40 minutes. Do the math; use a calculator if you have to.
Hopefully you have turkey hooks or a floor jack with an engine hoist to dunk the turkey and take it out when you are done. This bird is hot; caution is the word of the day.
The Thanksgiving festival is now ready. With a bit of luck, the tool shed in the backyard is not burned down and Aunt Loretta was snowed in at the O’Hare airport and can’t make it. Now all you have to do is carve the bird. Oh wait, anyone know how to carve a turkey properly?
I’m tired. We will go over carving the turkey next year. Anyone know if the Detroit Loins won? Did they at least cover the spread? Bring me a beer please. Hey! Look what I found! A can of cranberry sauce in the cabinet from last year! Let’s eat.
See you next year.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody.