I just started seeing this guy about three weeks ago. He says he has a lot of friends that are female. We were out for my birthday over the weekend and he kept texting on his phone, which I thought was very rude. He was like “It keeps ringing/ beeping what do you want me to do, ignore it?” I told him it was rude to do that on a date with me. He still kept texting all night.
The next morning while we were out, I talked to him about it again and we had an argument. He didn’t come back to my place that night.
On Monday, he told me he went out with one of his female friends dancing on Sunday. He said he thought it was over because we had an argument. He says they have known each other for three years and are just friends.
Also, when we are out dancing (we both dance salsa/bachata), he doesn’t even introduce me to his female friends. He would dance with them and says I can dance with other guys too, but never says to his female friends that I am the person he is seeing.
One time I was sitting right next to him in the same chair and a girl came up and grabbed him. I think it was the girl he was out with Sunday. Am I right not to trust him?
I’m confused about your expectations here. You just started seeing this guy less than a month ago, which means you are just casually dating. In other words, he is not your man, and you are not his girlfriend. Though you’ve apparently slept together, you two are not a couple.
His behavior is certainly classless, rude and extremely disrespectful. Why you would reward his negative behavior with romance and sex is beyond my understanding. He gave you the brushoff all night long and treated you callously when you are out together. Yet you focus seems to be more on the women he is talking to than his overt disrespect. Amazing.
I suggest you do three things:
- Make a list of what you want in a man and how you expect to be treated. For many women a visual reminder keeps them focused on their true needs so they aren’t distracted by a pretty face
- Remember that you are not his or any other guy’s mother. “Talking to” them about their behavior like they are children never works. You told him you didn’t like what he was doing, that it was rude and dismissive – yet he kept doing it anyway. His ACTIONS told you that he didn’t care what you were talking about even if his WORDS sounded apologetic and conciliatory
- Get busy dating other guys. Every single woman should see more than one guy in the casual dating stage until both she and one of the guys decide they want to see only each other. By dating multiple men, you’ll avoid fixating on any one guy in particular.
Just because you spend time around a guy, talk to him frequently on the phone, or even because you have sex with him, it doesn’t mean you have a relationship. Whatever you had when you decided to get busy is what you are going to get up with – and in your case it wasn’t much of anything.
Remember, unless you and the man you are seeing have a conversation about exclusivity then all this angst about who he talks to and where he goes is totally inappropriate.