It all started with the elimination of poor ol’ Pamela, and tonight Season 15 comes to a rousing conclusion with the crowning of the Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars champion. We’ve got two hours of zaniness ahead of us, so let’s get to it.
Away we go…
The festivities begin with an All-Stars family reunion, as the whole gang is back for one last group spin on the dance floor. I don’t notice anyone glaringly absent, but I can’t be sure I saw all 13 faces. Guess we’ll find out shortly.
After the last Spotlight Dance of the season (which goes to #Shawnough and the Fierce Five), we head up yonder for the (well, sort of…) triumphant return of DanceCenter with Jerry, Len, and poor, sweet, delusional Kenny. I’ll give it up to them– it’s a pretty funny bit.
Lest we forget, there’s still one more set of judged dances to be performed tonight– the always interesting Instant Dance. Melissa, Kelly, and Shawn take their turns pulling their song and their dance style out of a secret bag. Kelly gets the Cat & Mouse Jive. Melissa is saddled with the Life is a Highway Samba. And Shawn’s off to practice the Respect Cha-Cha-Cha.
In the meantime, we stroll down Memory Lane with each of this season’s cast-offs returning for one last dance each.
Bristol is her usual uninspired self, Pamela is her usual odd, vampy self, and Helio is peppy with his “We Speak No Americano” number. And then comes Drew, who brings his cutie-pie six-year-old daughter out to dance with him and Anna. Adorable.
Next up we get a very clever bit splicing together all the outtakes from the Confessional Booth throughout the season. Very funny stuff. Now that’s the kind of time-killer I can get behind.
If you haven’t heard “Gangnam Style” since, oh, this afternoon, we get a reprise of the Gangnam group dance, with Joey standing in for Kelly. I’m pretty sure this song will never go away. Thankfully, though, this train wreck of a group dance can now finally die its long-overdue death.
Joey is up next for his solo return, offering up a Back to the Future-inspired number with two little kids. Not as cute as Drew’s offering, though.
After a look back at the Twists & Turns of the season (the Knight Rider Bhangra, the Charleston the Country Week version of the Viennese Waltz…), we get Sabrina’s reprise. Gotta admit, I’m still bummed she wasn’t around longer. She got jobbed.
…which brings us to the return of the “Call Me Maybe” group dance– now featuring Helio and Drew (instead of Shawn and Melissa). Not sure why, but I don’t find that song even half as annoying as Gangnam.
More DanceCenter goodness now, followed by the ho-hum goodbye dances of Kirstie and Gilles.
So…. we’re an hour and ten minutes into this thing, and near as I can figure, there hasn’t been five total minutes of stuff I couldn’t live without (…though, yes, the Confessional Booth bit was pretty good.)
To further prove my point, we get the conclusion of DanceCenter, including a particularly unflattering super-cut of Shawn giggling, and we also get Kenny and Jerry’s assertion that Kelly and Val have, in fact, er, done it… which (duh) I said way back in Week Three.
Finally, at 10:24 p.m. Eastern Time, we get to the Finals competition.
INSTANT DANCE ROUND
Kelly & Val (Cat and Mouse Jive) – Considering they only had a bit over an hour to practice, Team Nookie absolutely nail their Jive. Great legwork (do I sound like Len?), awesome precision, and fun choreography. And then Brooke has to get all idiotic and ask about their relationship. Is she blind, stupid, or both? C’mon Brooke!
Scores: Carrie Ann: 9.5, Len: 9.5, Bruno: 9.5
Melissa & Tony (Life is a Highway Samba) – Melissa brings it home with a super Samba, capping off a pretty stellar season. I gotta think that the fact that Tony has never won a Mirrorball, and that Melissa is the only finalist to not win, will play into them winning it all. Stay tuned.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 9.5, Len: 9.5, Bruno: 9.5
Shawn & Derek (Respect Cha-Cha-Cha) – How could anyone not like these two cuties? They’re always happy, always fun to watch, and Derek’s routines are consistently the best-choreographed of every season. I can’t remember a season when all three finalists deserve to win… but here we are.
Scores: Carrie Ann: 10, Len: 10, Bruno: 10
Final Judges’ Scores:
Melissa – 88.5
Kelly – 87.5
Shawn – 87
So, less than two points separate the three, and it’s now in the hands of the viewing (and voting) public.
Unfortunately there’s always a third-place contestant, and this season’s is…
Kelly & Val. But it’s okay, they still have each other. Right, Brooke??
And with that, we come to the meat of the night, with the awarding of Mirrorballus Maximus. It’s former champion vs. also-ran. Young vs. old(er). Gymnast vs. actress.
And the winner… will be announced after the break.
Okay, we’re back.
The winners of Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars are…
Melissa and Tony!!
They started the season with 18-1 odds, and now they have a Mirrorball. Even better– after 14 seasons, Tony has finally won. Well done, good sir.
So there you have it. We’ll see you in mid-March when Dancing with the Stars returns for Season 16. Thanks for joining in the fun!