With the holiday season upon us, many have already made out their “wish lists.” Here is a look at some possible lists related to both Tampa Bay and Florida politicos:
Governor Rick Scott:
- A parallel universe where Sunshine Laws are repealed, Charlie Crist retires, Citizens Insurance is beloved, and CFO Jeff Atwater remembers to pay the bills.
- Everyone forgets that idiotic “foul” picture spoof of Obama’s “hope” portrait.
- The gubernatorial election being held a year early.
- The media vanishes.
- The citizens of Florida disappearing.
- Former lovers being quiet.
- Everyone forgetting the Democrats exist.
- Everyone remembering all the dopey things the Florida GOP did while controlling the General Assembly.
- Diplomatic protection.
- The world seeing her as a victim.
- Everyone leaving her alone.
- A parallel universe where socialites enjoy diplomatic immunity.
- Barry Cohen and Paula Broadwell being sucked in to a black hole.
Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn:
- A means of rerouting the Hillsborough River along Franklin Street.
- NHL owners and players behaving like a adults.
- A clear path to the U.S. Senate.
- The ability to go back in time and into a parallel universe where Joe Redner runs for Hillsborough County Property Appraiser.
- A new stadium paid entirely with public funds (duh!)
- Hal Steinbrenner deciding major league baseball is dull and boring.
St. Petersburg Mayor Bill Foster:
- A City Attorney who has his back.
- A city landmark design that everyone can agree on.
- A baseball stadium which doesn’t look like a giant albatross.
Senator Marco Rubio:
- Jeb Bush announcing he’s not running for President in 2016.
- A handwritten apology from Marlins owners Jeffrey Loria, saying he’s sorry for making Rubio looking like a total rube.
- The tea party taking a cold shower.
Tampa Sports Authority:
- A muzzle for Hillsborough County Commissioner Ken Hagan.
State House Speaker Will Weatherford:
- Laughing gas.
- A “kick me” sign for Rick Scott’s hiney.
- Nothing: he got his university, what does he care?
- Integrity from their politicians
- A state-run insurer of last resort showing transparency and accountability.
- A governor who doesn’t remind them of Richard Nixon.
- Good paying jobs.
- A move away from an economy based on tourism, real estate and get-rick-quick schemes.
- A ballot which isn’t as long as War & Peace.
- License plates which don’t look like something put together using Microsoft Word.
- A capital building which doesn’t look like a giant middle finger being flipped at the rest of the state (sorry, wishful thinking there.)