New Year’s Resolutions you can honor. Can we say that Adolph Hitler is a prime example of why. Hitler was whipped almost daily by his father; his acts of hate and revenge lay dormant and constantly drove him to new acts of destruction. Hitler had repeated nightmares carrying the scars of verbal abuse (threats, shaming and put-downs, sexual abuse and severe punishments). He repressed his memories until it drove him to one of the most vengeful plots, the massacre of millions of people. To build self-esteem in children and adults make it a New Year’s resolution to find alternatives to physical and verbal abuse. For the sake of everyone around you break the link in the repeated-pattern chain.
1. Violence begets violence. Without help the violence will find a way of repeating itself in your life. It gets passed on, to the grocery store clerk, your family, and so on.
2.Loss of self-esteem. When children and adults are physical and verbally abused the message they take on is, ”I am not lovable or acceptable,” which carries into feelings of unworthiness as the years progress.
3.Loss of trust. Children and adults who are physically or verbally abused learn they can’t trust t others and feel alone in the world. The environment no longer feels safe, leading children and adults to rebellious and aloof or hyper-vigilant behavior in response to their surroundings.
4.Fear of making mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn, children and adults who are hit for making mistakes become fearful of learning and avoid taking risks, instead of seeing them as rungs on the adder to development. Instead they see them as something to avoid all together.
5.Loss of concentration with Self and others. Physical and emotional violence causes children and adults to lose touch with personal feelings and needs, and often create a “secret underworld,” to which they retreat instantaneously. They behave to seek approval setting up unhealthy behaviors such as co-dependance in the future.
6.Lack of creative problem-solving skills. Children and adults learn to submit out of fear and lack the skills of learning to deal with problems at all, let alone in a healthy manner. First the old behavior must be “un-learned” to be able to stop the negative patterning and begin all over again, learning as a young child all over again how to cooperate and learning conflict resolution.
7.Bottled-up emotions. Children and adults who are yelled at store up tensions and anger in the body, resulting in poor health and an inability to feel a wide range of emotions- “numbing out” instead. They learn to repress their needs and begin to live in the mind, with no way to deal with pent up stress, other than emotional outbursts or repression.
8.Loss of ability to recognize their own needs. Children and adults misbehave as a cry out for help. Many families end up coming to counseling or juvenile court because of an unruly child, teen and sometimes an adult. Children and adults internalize hitting, spanking and verbal abuse as punishment for having feelings and needs and learn to repress them and stop asking for things.
9.Physical injuries. Frequent physical abuse can cause damage to internal organs as well as the brain and spinal cord, can result in permanent damage and even death. Frequent doctor and hospital visits for stress-related chronic ailments can have last effects.
If you were raised or live in a physically and verbally abusive environment as a means to control you through coercion, punishment or violence, you may need counseling and support to find the empathy and relief you need. By all means make physical and verbal abuse a part of your New Year’s resolutions and find new behaviors or old negative patterns and choose to live in health and happiness now.