Well, it’s that time again. The time of year where men don’t shave and let their natural mustaches grow. Whether a mustache is in style at the time or not, men all over the world have tried it at least once, and this month gives them an excuse to do so.
In games, some of the most important characters we love have carried a swath of hair above their lip. Whether villain or hero, friend or foe, these guys have the distinction of being able to carry off the mustache look for the better. Here’s the Top 10 Best Mustachioed Men in Games. (For pictures of the characters listed below, be sure to check out the slideshow!)
10 – Mr. Saturn “Earthbound Series”
Mr. Saturn, or the “manly Kirby”, is awesome. You loved them all. They all loved you. They all had mustaches, which made up for the red ribbons. And what would they be without those tiny little mustaches? Kirbys.
9 – John Marston “Red Dead Redemption”
Every girl loves a rough and tumble cowboy. And nothing says, “Wild West”, quite like a rough and stubbled mustache. The character of John Marston gives us that. While not exactly a full mustache, you can tell this ain’t no sissy boy. The scar across his lip on his right side shows this isn’t his first rodeo, and he’s not afraid to show you exactly how rough he can get.
8 – Draven “League of Legends”
He’s crass, arrogant, and he has that creepy stare. But nobody can deny that Draven’s fu manchu look isn’t epic. He may be full of himself, but he’s confident enough to grow two long pieces of hair on either side of his lip and get away with it.
7 – Gordon Freeman “Half Life”
He’s already got that hipster look going with the glasses, why not go full monty with the goatee? It gives him an edge. Without it, he just looks like a pretentious dork. With it, he looks like he’ll kick butt AND listen to bands you’ve never heard of. What’s not to love?
6 – Ingo “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time”
Also known as “Gorman” in other Zeldaverse games, Ingo the farmhand has one epic stache. You hated this guy. Don’t lie to yourself, because you know you did. You could only hold 200 rupees, and this guy with a crooked stache took it all on horse races you couldn’t seem to win. Eventually you got the horse, and he went back to being, “a really nice guy”, but you found yourself wanting to spit on him every time you entered Lon Lon Ranch.
5 – Dr. Robotnik “Sonic the Hedgehog”
This guy is mean. REALLY mean. He hates wildlife and loves robots. But, you really can’t take him seriously because he’s such a dolt. The only thing you can take seriously about Dr. R is his mustache. Just LOOK at that thing. It’s like he glued a broom to his face. That takes some serious time and dedication, there.
4 – Snake “Metal Gear”
He started out young, without a hair adorning his manly face. But as he became older and more jaded, the stache was left to grow, giving “Old Snake” a really awesome facial feature that showed just how no-nonsense he is. He’s lived long enough to grow the stache, he’ll live long enough to put you into the grave.
3 – Soda Popinski “Punch Out Series”
He laughed at you. He mocked you. His mustache padded your blows. Soda was a lean, mean, punching machine with a thing for his stache. Once you got him knocked out, you were so proud you got him down, that you sometimes forgot he wasn’t the last opponent. There are many other mustachioed men in the Punch Out games, but none so unlikeable as Popinski.
2 – The Wario Brothers (Wario and Waluigi) “Mario Brothers Series”
It’s a tie for these two, as they’re rarely seen without the other. Though not as epic as their do-gooder counterparts, their staches are simply pretty hard to beat. The shape and length put them on this list, but they just can’t quite beat the number one spot.
1 – The Mario Brothers (Mario and Luigi) “Mario Brothers Series”
The original mustachioed duo, Mario and Luigi, brought their famous staches into the game world. Two pixelated brothers fighting baddies and looking good while doing it. Hard to beat the original.
So who’s your favorite? Did we forget someone on our list? Comment below with whether you agree, or if you know someone better who belongs on this list!